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“Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity” by Andrew Solomon:

Published in
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3 min read
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Sep 05

In Far from the Tree, Andrew Solomon examines how families accommodate children with identities that differ from their parents. With extensive research and interviews, Solomon insightfully probes the challenges of “horizontal identity” where children diverge from parental expectations around traits like disability, genius, and criminality. His compassionate work reveals the nuances of judgment, sorrow, and celebration in atypical parent-child relationships.

Solomon investigates profound questions about parental love and support, which he frames not as unconditional but “exhaustively conditional.” By chronicling diverse experiences across sexual identity, deafness, schizophrenia, and dwarfism, Solomon reveals societal prejudices these children and parents face. His portrayals capture both the difficulty parents have relinquishing dreams for a child’s future and their deep adaptation and devotion.

These deeply affecting narratives provide windows into profound acts of acceptance, often arduous and partial but transformative. Solomon argues difference both isolates and enlarges and can become integral to personal and familial identity. He explores this tension — the desire to fit in yet anchor identity in distinction — across LGBT children, prodigies, and many outliers negotiating rigid societal norms.

While highly analytical, Solomon’s deft storytelling gifts each vignette compassion and nuance, especially regarding the children’s resilience. Far from clinical case studies, they emerge as richly human. The audiobook, narrated by Solomon, adds further dimension through his thoughtful and warm delivery. His reading honors the stories’ complexity.

Solomon neither lionizes nor ultimately pathologizes any of the differences examined. He conveys respect for children, establishing identity against generic parental hopes while honoring the efforts of parents confronting grieving and growth. Listeners will better appreciate the extraordinary courage required in both roles.

The work continually reframes assumptions, such as examining how some deaf parents embrace deaf children. Solomon considers identity multifaceted — we contain seeming contradictions as vertical strands of lineage and horizontal traits of distinction that comprise being. He reveals the beauty, anguish, and reconciliation possible when divergent identities align into accepted family tapestries.

Far from the Tree stands as a remarkable achievement of scholarship and sincerity. Solomon’s meticulous research and storytelling genius translate rugged experiential terrain into moving narratives full of compassion. His masterful exploration of difference, identity, and the spectrum of parental love provides a vital reference point for anyone navigating their version of his critical questions.

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